How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it to you.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because if she cannot afford a washing machine, chances are she cannot afford to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows women to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
 
Why do women wear white at their wedding?
Because the dishwasher should match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
  
How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
  
How do you fix a woman's watch?
A trick question because she doesn't need one. There is a clock on the stove.

Why do men fart more than women?
Women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

Our last fight was my fault. She asked me "What's on the TV".
I said "dust."
  
In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth and rested. Then He created Man and rested. Then he
created Woman. Since then, neither He nor Man has rested.